Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zones
Certain situations can make us all feel awkward or anxious. Stepping out of my comfort zone and into new territory is daunting for me – getting a different hairstyle, speaking in public, meeting new people, skydiving, dating, having a job interview or asking questions in class.
For me, life skills were never modeled or taught, so evolution and growth, whether it is spiritual or emotional, is something I strive for, especially when the disease of addiction is woven into the fabric of my life. I often say, “the beautiful thing about learning is, you can’t get worse.” When we “try on” something new, it is important to focus on how the newness really makes us feel, how it may contribute to our growth and how we can avoid the self-sabotaging thoughts that may be creeping in to quietly strip away any progress we might have achieved! I have found that negative self-talk is one of the hardest and most invisible things to change.
The world of addiction seems to offer another whole set of parameters around feelings of shame, stigma and judgment. I am well aware that situations where I feel scrutinized, evaluated or judged by others can often cause feelings of anxiety or fear which can lead me straight into isolation. Anxiety and fear of rejection, along with self-doubt, can spin me out of control, making everyday tasks difficult.
So, how do we begin the journey? How do we overcome the uncomfortable feelings inside of us and step up with confidence and control?
Part of the journey has been to focus on thoughts that dispel my old negative beliefs that no longer serve me. Instead of the repetitive inner dialog of negativity, a cycle I am too familiar with, I try to lift my thoughts to higher levels. I personally call it the Art of Flipping.
Which of these thoughts feels better?
“I am getting my hair colored and cut. Why bother? I feel invisible.”
OR
“I am so excited about getting my hair colored and cut; I feel good stopping for a bit of self-care.”
“Ugh bills! The mortgage escrow went up; the water bill is almost due, and I still have to pick up groceries. When will it all pan out so I can pay all my bills in the month they are due?”
OR
“I am looking forward to having all the money I need to pay my bills on time. Sacrificing so much for TriCircle and learning so many parts of business at the same time is starting to come together.”
“I slipped up again and acted out last night. I hate myself, and I should know better.”
OR
“As an independent single woman, I try very hard each day to make the right decisions for myself. We all make mistakes, and I am hopeful that I can better uphold the promise I made to myself moving forward.”
As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “Our thoughts control our feelings, and we control our thoughts.” So, the beauty he shares in this quote is that if we don’t like the way we feel, we can change our minds! We can reach for higher feeling thoughts whenever the sense of discomfort is rising up in us. If we practice often enough, it will become easier and easier to monitor and elevate our thoughts, quickly gain control of our emotions, and have the confidence to “try on” something new.
Together WE are Stronger!
(Originally published in TriCircle’s Newsletter, July 2024)