Gratitude, Humility, and Awe

To stand in awe is truly an amazing experience. It instills a sense of peace, wonder and reverence and creates in us a desire to learn and understand. In a strangely comforting way, awe makes us feel somewhat small in relation to the many miracles that surround us each day. As Albert Einstein said, “One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality.”

Awe is inextricably intertwined with gratitude, humility and opportunity! We cannot help but be inspired to action by the practice of being awestruck, grateful and humble – the transformative power of these attitudes is uncanny.

I was given the opportunity to experience all three on a recent Saturday night in Sacramento, CA. That evening, I stood before thousands of people as the speaker at a convention for the twelve step program that saved my life. Once I swallowed the big lump in my throat and got control of my nerves, rapid heart rate and sweaty palms, I was struck by the opportunity I had been given to deliver a message of hope to the people who were looking back at me.

Suddenly, I stood in awe of something so much bigger than I, and the courage to speak washed over me like a warm summer rain. The shared pain and the lived experience in room was palpable, but so was the joy. I could see their faces and sense their tragedies, but I could also feel their triumphs. I wondered about each person present that day, where had they come from, what was their back story, what had they lost or gained through it all? I knew, without exception, they had all walked through their own fires. They were present and working through their own stories. As exposed and vulnerable as I felt speaking in front of all these people, I saw it as an honor, a privilege, and, oddly, a granting of permission for others to do and be the same. I am no better than anyone in the room; my life literally depends on my evolving continuously, learning from the lessons that present themselves, no matter how painful or scary. I’m grateful for all I have learned through the twelve steps, different sponsors, mentors, teachers, literature, in school buildings and schools of thought. I am very grateful in this moment to not have submitted to the suicidal ideations and plans that have regularly haunted me.

There is still so much to learn and so little time in this physical world to learn it; we are here for but a moment! Marianne Williamson wrote the poem: Our Deepest Fear, Oriah Mountain Dreamer wrote: The Invitation, Don Miguel wrote: The Four Agreements,  Esther and Jerry Hicks wrote: The Sara Books. There are many others with teachings worth sharing: Maya Angelo, Brene’ Brown, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, etc.

Looking out at all these people, knowing that there are thousands in front of me, a small number in comparison to the millions living in long term recovery, knowing that the diversity amongst us is what unifies us and makes us stronger. I know the substances that brought us to our knees, desperate and hopeless. The substances we chose were the solutions for older experiences.

Some days, I rise out of bed full of determination to be part of the needed change; some days I crack myself up knowing I am a fierce advocate and I stay in recovery motivated by my knowing that the best way to get revenge on this disease is to live well and help support the needed changes. I will stay in recovery because, long ago, the clinician in treatment told me I wasn’t part of the 10% that would make it. My response stands…watch me!

I began to share my story, to reach into each of their minds and hearts with words that I can gratefully say were not of me, but divinely inspired. The realization of our connectedness, in that moment and always, gave me a sense of peace and continuity. I was humbled by the vastness of this opportunity to gain clarity regarding our undeniable unity and to understand the nature of our existence as human beings – a profound experience was delivered to me that day and I am so very grateful for it. Awe, gratitude, and humility beget opportunity. With these tenets in the forefront, let’s stay close to each other; let’s seize the opportunities we are given in every moment and continue to evolve as individuals and as a “community of one.”

(Originally published in the April 2023 TriCircle Newsletter)