Recovery is Possible
I am so very proud to say I am 29 years in! I deserve to be proud – recovery is really hard sometimes. I am not going to lie, there have been dark days when the mountain in front of me seemed insurmountable and days when I have felt full of self love and a well earned sense of accomplishment and joy.
Ironically, I grew up on 389 Hope Hill Road, across from The Lady of Fatima Church. Soon after my 18th birthday, I found a note on the counter from my father, “You are no longer welcome here.” My journey to the streets began.
Taking control of what can be influenced, eventually helped me focus on my personal power and responsibility, which is crucial in overcoming addiction’s many challenges. While focusing on what I could not change always made me feel frustrated and powerless, focusing on what I could change showed me the path to the incredible power I do have.
Life Coach, author and philanthropist Steve Maraboli talks about a vital strategy in addiction recovery, “Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”
Lets face it, there is no denying that active addiction takes you to hell. I have felt so low, there were times I considered taking my own life. Despair was an understatement when I was isolated and alone in the darkness, face to face with my demons. Before I found recovery, I felt very guarded, with impenetrable walls of lawbreaking defiance. I acted like a tough guy or a comedian to keep people away, only allowing for short term relationships so I would not gain too much information regarding the truth, which I believed would be used against me. Feelings from childhood traumas welled up in me. Plenty of additional experiences, relating to the ways and means to get even more heavily involved with active addiction, were causing me to become unraveled. I was fragile, vulnerable, isolated, overwhelmed and hopeless every single day. All of it was bursting through the many masks I presented to my family and society. The pain, shame and stigma was unbearable. The realization that these feelings, no matter how painful, were always my choice, and will always be an inextricable part of living gave me the power to take control. I slowly became aware that I get to choose how I feel by choosing my thoughts.
Something clicked, and it was game on. Up to that point and for so many years, the substances that lured me into a world of self-destruction, that held me prisoner and numbed my pain, were cleverly disguised as the solution, as heaven, but clearly they were leading me down a path of darkness and disparity. The reckoning was inevitable – I needed to choose life or choose death.
Today, I am alive, fully present and engaged. Today, and every day, I have a choice.
There is a Chinese proverb that states, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” The best time to start the journey towards sobriety is now, regardless of past missed opportunities.
“Recovery is hard, but not recovering is harder.” – Unknown
This quote is a reminder of what is at stake. Oh, the journey has its challenges, but recovery is possible and the payoff is that you will realize that life on life’s terms has been part of the story the whole time.
(Originally published in the 46th Issue of The TriCircle Connection Newsletter, September 2024)