Banana Bread and a Grandmother’s Unconditional Love
I woke up early one morning, just before Christmas, thinking of my Grandmother Gopoian, which I often do. My grandmother was an amazing woman who brought people together during the holidays and created the Christmas memories that I cherish now more than ever. Thoughts of her always make me smile.
She was the one person who believed that I was worth saving and gave me a place to live off the street. It wasn’t the end of my ripping and running, but Grandma Gopoian gave me hope, and she literally saved my life!
I hate the disease of addiction and the space it takes up in my head, it has had and always will have such a close and long-lasting relationship with my depression, anxiety, family dysfunction, and trauma.
Becoming more informed and educated about who I am, things revealed about my family, what has happened, what didn’t happen, is what I call, being dangerously informed, and in a backhanded sneaky way the disease of addiction tries to create additional layers of shame between me, my family, friends, and society.
I have repeatedly said that the shame, guilt, and isolation are just as detrimental as the disease of addiction itself, and that fuels me to want to break many cycles. On July 13th, 1995, at the age of 32, I put down all substances, including alcohol and knew I could make a difference, in spite of the lack of services and the locals who told me otherwise. There are so many people affected by the disease of addiction in CT and as for Wallingford, I didn’t use alone. There is a great need for continuity, for safe, reliable and affordable short and long-term housing.
My heart will always belong to Wallingford, and I feel fortunate to have grown up there with the many opportunities provided by my grandparents. I was pushed through the school system with unaddressed learning disabilities and mental health challenges. After running away from home, the craziness that was happening in and outside of the house, drug use and dropping out of school at 16, I wonder somedays how things may have been different if anyone, including myself, and my parents had the awareness and courage to ask the hard questions and address the obvious. My lived experience has brought me far, a long way from those days. Since then, I worked corporate for 26 1/2 years, I earned multiple degrees, certifications, and started two companies. I look forward to bringing more great resources to the forefront in Wallingford and across CT this coming New Year and beyond. In 2025, TriCircle hopes to continue implementing Phase 2 of our long-range plan and open a community center with short and long-term living environments in Wallingford.
Today, I’m baking my famous banana bread, and as always, when I take my first bite, it transports me back to Grandma Gopoian. Something about it reminds me of her Sunday morning porridge, her unconditional love, and the moments of feeling safe when we were dropped off as children or when she rescued me from the street.
I’m not writing this to help people understand as much as I am writing it for those who do. This year, surround yourself with the people who know you are worth saving, because isolation is the enemy, and Together We are Stronger!
(First published in TriCircle’s newsletter The TriCircle Connection, Issue 49, January 2025)