Grief and the Holidays

Grief and the Holidays

By Christine Motto Gagnon, Past TriCircle Board Chair

• During the holidays, it is easy to do what you always have done, yet it may potentially increase your pain. If you are not up for the past traditions, it is ok to say no. Decide what you want to be part of, whom you want to be with, and what you want to do.
• You may also want to consider how to honor your loss during the holidays. Finding ways to recognize and acknowledge the person can bring a positive focus on your grief. This can be done in a number of ways. Lighting a candle, placing a special ornament on a tree, or simply raising a glass for a holiday toast honoring your loved one are simple ways to acknowledge the loss felt so strongly this time of year.

• Discuss openly your choices for this holiday season, especially to those affected by them. They may not agree and that is OK. If you have always hosted a holiday brunch but are not up for it this year, letting people know up front can take the burden off you.

• Everyone deals with loss is his or her own way and, therefore, has different needs. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Leaving space for compromise is important. For example, you always attend religious services with the family on the holiday. But this year, you decide that you are not going to attend. You, instead, are going to a special memorial church service. You can invite the family to join you. This will open the door to include family, but those who choose not to would be respected.